


you used to make me nervous

by hexburn (thestormapproaches)



Series: Catching Fire, Catching Cold | LEC Hanahaki [1]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: (sort of?), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Euphorbia, Hanahaki Disease, Kold and Alphari are Dads, M/M, Patrik is Son, TW: Blood, TW: hanahaki, TW: mention of surgery, Unrequited Love, mildly visceral, poor Patrik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestormapproaches/pseuds/hexburn
Summary: It's not Alfonso's fault. It really isn't, even though, considering the amount of blood that pours from Patrik's lungs and worries Jonas and Alphari, his heart very well may be broken.Luckily, one surgery and a couple of days should fix that.There should be no more pain after that.Though Patrik's lungs are already so far gone that he barely feels it any more.





	you used to make me nervous

**Author's Note:**

> kold and alphari really exude Dad Energy  
after this one, i have one last hanahaki pre-written; the rest (MSF, RGE, VIT, SPY) will take a bit longer to write and publish since i wrote the other hanahakis during summer break

_ I know your every move, baby girl  _

** _You used to make me nervous_ **

_ Shuffling the pages _

_ Talking through a violent sleep _

Euphorbia.

Wisdom, protection, purity.

The exact opposite of euphoria for poor, pitiful Patrik, especially when he hears Alfonso chattering so happily to Zven over the phone at random hours of the night.

To Patrik's credit, he does try. He really does. It's one hell of a terrifying ordeal, to confess hanahaki for someone that you know has no interest in you other than as a student to be taught, and by no means is it easy to do when he knows that he will only be rejected, but he does it. He says those terrifying five words -  _ I have hanahaki for you _ . 

He nods his head as Alfonso apologises profusely. It's not his fault he doesn't love Patrik back, even if Patrik sobs and screams into his pillow, mourning the loss of hope in the middle of the night. Even if the pain stabs through his chest like an open wound.

By the amount of blood that pours from his lungs, that may be all too true.

\---

"Patrik? Patrik!"

The voice on the other side of his door is accompanied by a pounding knock that urges Patrik to answer. Exhausted from blood loss, he doesn't. Soon the pounding stops, apparently discouraged by the lack of response.

Then his door flies open with a bang and Jonas and Barney run in.

"How did it go? Are you feeling okay? Oh, what am I saying, you must feel awful, come here," Jonas blathers as he scoops Patrik up into a seated position, resting against the headboard of the bed. "Have you eaten? Let me bring you some eggs, can you keep those down? Or pancakes? And bacon, of course, you need meat for the iron content," Jonas continues. He wipes the blood from Patrik's lips and tucks the blankets in around him, his eyes full of worry and delicacy and caring. Patrik simply looks for Barney for help as he always does when Jonas gets mother-y.

"Hon," Barney says with a hand on Jonas's shoulder, catching Patrik's eye, "he can't answer you if all you do is ask him more questions. Why don't you go get him some food and we'll talk about how things are, get you caught up when you come back?" Patrik shoots him a grateful glance when Jonas chirpily agrees and sprints to the kitchen.

"So," Barney begins.

"So," Patrik croaks.

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes," Patrik tries to garble, but all that comes out is a mouthful of blood pouring down his chin. He quickly accepts the red-stained bowl Barney offers him.

"Jesus Christ," chuckles Barney good-naturedly when Patrik has spat out most of the sanguine spittle, "so I guess it didn't go as hoped?"

Sniffling, Patrik shakes his head.

"Oh, Patches," Barney sighs, awkwardly hugging Patrik as he begins to cry with drying blood on his lips and tired, tired eyes, "it's gonna be okay, alright? You're gonna be okay. I promise."

There are still tears in Patrik's eyes when Jonas returns with a monstrous portion of breakfast.

"Jonas, baby," Barney says exasperatedly, "that's… that's way too much food."

Patrik agrees, nodding astoundedly, while Jonas simply shrugs.

"You didn't eat dinner," he points out, "so you're definitely hungrier than you think you are. And besides, whatever you don't finish, we'll just put in the fridge for tomorrow or something. Here, open up." Delicately, Jonas holds a piece of crisp bacon to Patrik's mouth.

Obediently, Patrik parts his lips and lets another gush of disgusting blood-saliva mixture slosh into the bowl on his lap, and he giggles adorably and vampirically when Jonas and Barney both recoil in horror. Of course, they manage to stuff him full of pancakes and scrambled eggs regardless of the bloody interruptions, though Jonas's worry mounts with every grin Patrik gives them through blood-stained teeth and every red tissue he tosses in the waste bin after wiping his mouth.

Finally, it's Jonas's turn to spit something out. "Patrik… we need to get you to a specialist as soon as possible for the surgery," he murmurs as Patrik chews and Barney munches on a stolen strip of bacon.

Patrik freezes. 

Immediately, Barney picks up where Jonas left off, saying, "Yeah, this much bleeding is extremely dangerous." He scrolls through some random site on his phone. "There are openings today for surgery, if you think you're ready…"

"You usually would have roughly a week left," Jonas murmurs in a soothing tone that betrays his words. "The sooner we get you to the hospital, the better."

Patrik starts to cry again. 

He can't help himself. 

He's terrified.

Having hanahaki for someone who will never love you back is scary, but somehow the thought of a scalpel cutting through his ribcage, in through the fragile meat of his lungs, rooting around to find a pearl in the alveoli, is so much more horrifying. He clings to Jonas's proffered hand and shivers in Barney's warm hug. Their soft shushes fill his ears.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Barney repeats until Patrik's tears run dry, "you're gonna be okay. Let's just look at the options for now, how does that sound? Let's make a plan," he soothes. Soft murmurs slowly build into a wave that washes over Patrik and brings him a small sliver of peace at last, enough to at least keep calm as Barney and Jonas find times for Patrik's surgery, to remove the euphorbia seed buried in his chest.

\---

It had been Jonas who had first noticed what Patrik tried to hide. The confrontation from both of them, combined with irrefutable green-petaled evidence, had been an ordeal to face, but Patrik now looks back at it in fondness. After all, that event is what brought him his two parent-like friends. Patrik enjoys being cared for in their safety more than he'd like to admit.

They've stuck by his side loyally through his nights crying about Alfonso. They've brought him soothing lungwort tea and medicated cough drops when flowers blocked his airways. They've been nothing but kind and understanding and helpful to him, the baby of the team, through thick and thin. Really, they're the best friends anyone could ask for.

"12,30 tomorrow?" Barney asks tentatively, after listing off some options for Patrik’s consideration. "You'll be out of commission for the day, but you're probably too sick to play until you get the surgery anyway."

Breathing as deeply as he can between hacking up wilted euphorbia and bloody scraps of lung tissue, Patrik agrees. "How long do I need for recovery?" he says, lips wet from being worn down and coated in red.

"Just the night," Jonas replies. "Your lungs will need time to heal, so no running or anything for a few weeks, but playing should be fine!" His smile is infectious.

"That sounds okay," Patrik murmurs at last. If he only needs a day off, then surely the damage done by the surgeons can't be that bad, right? And he can already feel a crimson wetness building up in the depths of his lungs, too deep to cough out, foreboding the doom that awaits him if he remains inactive for too long. He's running out of time.

When Jonas and Barney stand up to leave his room, Patrik runs to grab their hands and pull them back.

"Until I fall asleep? Please? Sorry."

Jonas looks back at him fondly and tucks him back in, taking a seat on the edge of the bed at the same time. "Of course, we'll stay," he murmurs. Calmly, Barney takes a seat, too, and the two boyfriends talk to each other the way they always do, creating a quiet, soothing, domestic atmosphere that lulls Patrik to sleep in minutes.

Though he's too far under to notice, both Barney and Jonas ruffle his hair before leaving his room.

\---

Surgery goes surprisingly well. It's not nearly as scary as Patrik had thought it would be, and his specialist understands his worries and guides him through each step, from X-rays, pointing to where the pearl lies lodged in his left lung, to his designated hospital bed. She explains the process of minimally-invasive surgery with ease. Most of Patrik's fears fade away by then, and the last few are assuaged as the anaesthetic takes hold, blurring the heat of Jonas and Barney's hands in his until all he knows is a cozy warmth.

\---

He wakes up with fluttering lashes and sunset light streaming through his window, and Jonas at his side sighs in immense relief. Patrik can tell by the way Barney smiles slightly that he's also glad to see Patrik awake.

A slight tingling sensation in his chest makes him look down, and his eyes widen as he sees the centimetre-long slit neatly sealed with two stitches, quickly covered up by a wide bandage. "Sorry, bruv," murmurs the nurse, "I'll be out of your way in a sec," and he neatly tapes the cloth down and repositions the blue paper gown over Patrik. The nurse quickly explains how to clean around his new battle scar, then warns him about the blood to expect that he’ll hurl up (just the old blood, not any scarlet red from fresh wounds), then schedules him for a check-up in a month's time, then tells Patrik he'll be able to leave the next morning. 

As the nurse walks out of the room, Jonas and Barney excitedly hand Patrik all of the gifts from the rest of Origen. There's a fluffy teddy bear from the happy couple that makes Patrik roll his eyes and they all share a laugh over the ridiculously cheesy hospital-wear the little bear has on. Then they give him a congratulations letter from Erlend that just says "Glad you survived." An odd gesture, but Patrik appreciates it.

When he gets to the blue-green card from Alfonso, coloured in a gradient of his favourite hues, Patrik's voice gets caught in his throat. The plastic cup on his bedside table comes in handy for catching the leftover, dark-with-age blood that gurgles up.

"Oh, Patches, you don't have to read it now, that's okay," Jonas says worriedly, already reaching for the card, but Patrik simply shakes his head and opens it, and Jonas and Barney watch with bated breath as Patrik reads.

Barney nudges a box of tissues towards Patrik when he begins to cry.

It's a letter of apology. 

_ I'm sorry,  _ Alfonso writes,  _ that I couldn't love you back. I'm sorry this turned out the way it did. I'm sorry I forced you into the hospital, I know you hate hospitals, I'm sorry. _

_ I'm in love with Zven. You probably already know that. And I won't apologise for loving him, but I am truly sorry that this hurt you. I wish you didn't have to get hurt like this. I know that by the time you read this you won't love me any more and I just hope you feel better, honestly. _

_ And I hope you don't hate me, and that this won't hurt our partnership. _

_ I understand if it does, though. _

_ I hope you're having a good day and that you're recovering well. Get better soon, Patrik. _

_ -Fonso :) _

But Patrik cries not because he's sad or angry or destroyed, rather, he feels…

Free.

There is no heartbreak - he has no capability to feel that way towards Alfonso, he cannot feel any emotions towards Alfonso any more except for that of friendship and synergy and, perhaps if they argue, simplistic anger. But there is no remnant of the painful, romantic, heartache-y past.

Nothing.

He hugs each of his teammates tightly when he gets back - though he also hugs Barney and Jonas as soon as he's discharged from the hospital, so the second hug ends with them roughly jabbing his sides and him laughing uncontrollably. And Erlend's hug is more like an awkward, mutual pat on the back.

Cautiously, Patrik approaches Alfonso for the final hug and gently wraps arms around him, not sure how he'll respond. 

The hug is carefully returned. "Thank you for the letter," Patrik says, perfectly even-keeled. That's just who he is, now, when it comes to Alfonso. 

"You're welcome," Alfonso mumbles. "I… you're doing okay?"

"I'm doing great!" Patrik chirps.

The best part is, as he smiles at Jonas and Barney who watch his recovery proudly, he's not even lying.

"Thanks, gay dads," he tells them teasingly when they poke their heads in his room to make sure he's caring for his wound properly.

"You're welcome, gay son," they each say back in turn. Jonas ruffles Patrik's hair out of habit, while Barney just smiles and takes Jonas's hand on the way out, and they make a pretty picture of a happy couple, laughing and chatting as they leave Patrik's room for their own.

And when Patrik lies alone at last in his room, content in himself for the first time in a long time, he holds the black hanahaki pearl of rejection that hangs around his neck to the light.

Wisdom is a hard lesson learned, indeed.


End file.
